December 14, 2017

Pot Vending Machine Mania!

Weed Porn: Corazón Purpura
Weed Porn: Corazón Purpura. Original image by Francisco Xavier Nieto/Creative Commons via flickr

Pot vending machines! They’re here. And everybody is writing about it. And let’s be honest: It’s a pretty cool idea. Stoners everywhere getting their weed from the same machine they buy their munchies! Of course, you’d never actually be able to buy it from the exact same machine. I don’t see PepsiCo striking up a deal with local dispensaries any time soon. (Editor’s note: A boy can dream.) But, still, a vending machine that you could just walk up to, pay, get your weed, and then jet with zero human interaction would be pretty fucking awesome. Of course, that’s not exactly the way it works either.

The ZaZZZ machine that premiered at Herbal Elements in Avon, CO, and that’s currently soaking the internet’s panties looks really cool. With a pretty typical box shape made hipper via a Volkswagen/Ikea/nano green paint job, it comes equipped with an ID scanner/verifier, kind of like what bouncers use at nightclubs and 711 clerks use to make sure your card isn’t a fake when you go in to grab a six pack. But let’s be honest again: The machine’s cool factor is seriously impeded by the fact that it can only be used by medical patients, and it looks like even those patients will have to endure some human interaction as the machine is not yet equipped to scan red cards.


As a matter of fact, there are other pot vending machines already in existence, but for legal reasons they sit behind the counter at dispensaries where only staff can access them. Which seems like a waste of everybody’s time to me. Though it probably is a brilliant marketing move by the three or so companies currently manufacturing the machines. These guys have some exciting visions of the future of marijuana vending machines, like medical patients using a smartphone app to check availability and order, paying via the app, then going to the machine to pick up. Perfect for one of those paranoid evenings. Maybe they could put it right next to a Redbox.

For now, though, the market is young and if things keep moving in a progressive direction there’s a damn good possibility that we will someday live in a world in which adults can purchase their marijuana from a vending box. It will be a great cultural replacement for all of those disappearing cigarette machines.

Damn, what if you could just slide in a fiver and get a preroll? That would be nice.

-Alibi

About Alibi Pierce 191 Articles
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